Are you in the habit of people pleasing? If you put the needs of others above your own, and you feel responsible for the happiness of those around you, you may also struggle to say no.
In this video, I share with you how to stop being a people pleaser, and how you can learn to say no without feeling guilty about it.
Prefer to read instead? Here is the transcript.
In today’s video, I want to talk to you about how to stop being a people pleaser. How do we stop pleasing people and how do we learn to finally say no without feeling guilty? If you are someone who is always the nice guy and you are always helping other people out to the cost of yourself, then you’re going to find today’s video very helpful. My name is Tertia and on this channel, I show you how to use your inner power and the laws of the universe to completely transform your life. My videos are all about feminine wisdom, self love, self worth, self growth, feminine spirituality, and if any of those things resonate with you, if it calls to your soul, then I invite you to subscribe, join our community, and also make sure that you hit the little bell so you can get notified each time that I upload a new video. If you’ve been trying to stop people pleasing or you’ve been trying to behave differently and you’ve noticed that it hasn’t worked, then I think the things that I’m going to be sharing with you will be very helpful to you. The first thing is the awareness. It’s always the awareness and I say this in so many of my videos. You cannot begin to change anything, you cannot begin to transform anything without the awareness thereof. And the awareness specifically is not just the head knowledge of yes, I’m a people pleaser, I can’t say no, people always take advantage of me because I never turn anyone away, that’s head knowledge and head knowledge doesn’t help me at all. The awareness that I’m talking about here specifically is to connect into the body and to notice when your people pleasing mode gets activated. Become curious and pay attention, is this usually around certain type of people, the same person? Is it usually in a certain situation? Is it when you get asked specific things? Is it with all things? So really become curious as to when this program is triggered and they notice what happens in the body when you resist it. What feelings are they? Can you notice any, I want to call it, energetic turmoil? Is there any turning or agitation that happens inside of you when you even think about resisting or saying no? And ask yourself, what is it that I’m afraid of? What is it that I’m afraid of if I don’t please these people, if I don’t give these people what they want? And that’s going to lead you into beginning to explore what is the driver that keeps this habit in place. Even though we all might have experienced the same thing as children, where we were being a peacekeeper or we were working for the approval of our parents, it manifests in different ways for all of us, even though we carry the same wounding when it comes to being a people pleaser. And that’s why it’s important for you to, as part of your self-awareness, begin to notice when does your pattern get activated. And then following it and understanding what happens in my body energetically, how does it feel? What are the emotions and these sensations? What is it that I’m trying to get away from because what you’ll notice is as soon as you give in to the urge to be accommodating or to be helpful, or to put yourself… or to put others, rather, ahead of yourself, there is going to be kind of a transaction that happens inside of you energetically. And if you can find out what this transaction is, it’s going to allow you to begin to change it. Can you see, it’s really moving from just thinking patterns and trying to think yourself out of a behavior to really working on it on a more energetic level. That’s the short-term solution is the awareness. In the moment, as soon as you notice that you become activated to go into people pleasing mode, notice what is going on with me. The second two points that I want to share with you are more long-term solutions. And the first one is to work around your self worth and your self love. The reason why you are people pleasing, if I can simplify it, is because you are looking for validation outside of yourself. You’re looking for others to let you know that you are okay, that you are valued, that you are worth something, that you are good enough. That’s part of that turmoil that you are trying to quiet inside yourself. And if you can begin to source your self worth from inside of you, instead of going to look for it everywhere outside, you won’t need to accommodate people at the cost of yourself in order to start feeling better, because you’ll be able to do that for yourself. The second long-term strategy that’s going to help you to stop people pleasing is to learn how to take back your own sovereignty, learn how to take back your own power. When we people please, because we are looking for that validation outside of us, because we are looking for the approval of other people, you will also find that there are so many things that you just go along and you don’t even know how you feel about that personally, because you’re always just the easy one, you’re always just going with the flow, you’re always following the crowd, not to rock the boat and to keep everyone happy. One of the things that you can do to begin to stand in your own sovereignty is to identify what are the things that I like? What are my goals? What is it that I long for and that I yearn for? In this process of getting to know yourself better, you can understand what are the things that drive you, what are your values. Part of what happens when we people please is not only are we unable to say no, but we also compromise our own values. And a lot of time, we don’t even know what these values are even though they are operating in the background on an unconscious level. By you learning what your values are, understanding what are those core things that you value most above everything in the world, you can begin to align yourself with that value. And by the act of aligning yourself with these values, by the act of you knowing this is what is important to me, and so I will choose actions and responses and behaviors that honor this which is important to me, that is going to create within you the ability to draw boundaries. If you don’t do that, you will notice that you become resentful. You’ll feel that people take advantage of you, but you don’t have to subject yourself to that. And by honoring your values, by knowing what your goals are, what are those things that are important to you, it’s going to help you stand in your own power. Another part of standing in your own power is learning the ability to hold self compassion and to be able to soothe yourself, to be able to soothe your inner child. So many times, the inner child is the one that pleases. The inner child is the one that is looking for that affection and approval and validation from outside. By learning self-compassion and self soothing techniques, you’ll be able to work with your inner child. And then another point that I can add here is, and this is especially for sensitive people or for empaths is as part of being sovereign is to learn how to separate what you feel from what others feel. A lot of times as empaths, we assume that the feelings of other people are our own and we take responsibility for making people feel better. And that’s also unfair because you’re taking away the opportunity of those people to have their own life experience. I’d like to hear from you now, so let me know in the comments below if you are a people pleaser. I’m assuming you are if you watch this video and perhaps more importantly, which of these strategies that I shared with you resonated the most. The answer to stop being a people pleaser and having the ability to say no without feeling guilty, it isn’t an overnight thing. You can’t just think yourself out of it, but there are definitely some practices that you can do where you take this habit from being just an automatic program that runs in the back of your mind and you bring it into your awareness, and from this point, you can start to change it. I hope that you found this video helpful. And if you did, please let me know in the comments. Also, let me know any other videos that you would like me to make for you around the subject of feminine wisdom or self worth or self love. Also, share this video with anyone who you think might find it helpful. As always, thank you very much for watching and I will see you in the next one.