Tertia Riegler

Feminine Embodiment Coach

Manage Your Life

How to STOP being a Perfectionist (Hint: use Feminine Embodiment)

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As a recovering perfectionist I was always looking for advice on how to stop being a perfectionist. In this video, you will learn how the art of feminine embodiment and working with my wounded masculine and feminine energies have helped me deal with perfectionism. You’ll also learn about the different types of perfectionism and how it shows up in your life.

Prefer reading? Here is the transcript:

Today’s video is going to be very helpful for anyone who struggles with perfectionism, whether you are unable to make a decision, you feel stuck and you can’t move forward, or you can’t get yourself to just quit on something or stop working on something until it is absolutely perfect. Then this video is definitely you for you. I want to talk about perfectionism through the lens of feminine embodiment. And specifically, I want to explore how working with and activating your feminine energy can help you overcome perfectionism. My name is Tertia, and I help women like you drop from your heads into your heart, so that you can access and express the full spectrum of your feminine power. On my channel here, I make videos about feminine energy, self-worth and embodiment. And if those are things that are exciting to you, if they light up your soul, then I invite you to join our community, subscribe, and also make you hit the bell so you can get notified of all of my new videos.

Perfectionism is something that I have struggled with for a very big part of my life. And I still struggle with it at times. So it’s a topic and a subject that’s very familiar to me. And I really have tried so many different things to get over myself, to stop being so driven and stop being such a perfectionist. And it’s only really when I started working with feminine embodiment and working with my feminine energy, activating my feminine energy, that I noticed that there was change. And what I’m coming to see is that perfectionism is often a direct result of us suppressing our feminine energy. So perfectionism can show up in so many different ways for different people. And maybe you recognize some of this. We can be people-pleasers, it’s always about accomplishing more, and doing better and improving yourself. And to be a perfectionist is exhausting. It’s exhausting because you never give yourself a break.

So research tells us that you get three types of perfectionists, and it’s not really important for you to be able to put yourself into one of these categories, because most likely, like me, you’re going to find yourself a little bit of a mixture of everything. But the three types of perfectionists that you have is you have someone who is self-oriented. So a self-oriented perfectionist. And that is where you have a very, very high expectation of your own performance. So you’re very hard on yourself. You expect yourself to be able to deliver in a certain way at a certain level. And you tie your self-worth to your level of output, your time, your value, to what you’re producing.

You also get other-oriented perfectionism. And this is where instead of having all that view and the glare on yourself, you turn it towards other people. So the focus is externally on other people, how they perform. So a lot of judgment on others, their life choices, the way that they do things, a lot of criticism in the way that other people show up, how other people behave compared to your own standards of how you think it should be. And often what happens with this kind of perfectionism is you’ll end up doing things yourself, you’ll end up controlling everything yourself because you think you can do it better. Nobody else can match up to the expectations that you put [inaudible 00:03:52]. So again, very exhausting, this need and this drive to be in control of everything and to run everything because you feel that only you are capable of doing it in a certain way.

And the third kind of perfectionism is socially oriented. So this means that we attach our self-worth directly to the opinions that other people have of us. We measure our self worth based on things like vanity meters. So on social media, how many likes do my posts get? How many interactions do I get compared for example, maybe to my peers? So the opinions of other people are very important to us. We try and live up to the standard, we don’t want to show other people how we struggle or how we are not perfect, or how we suffer with something. We keep that all in and we have this mask.

One of the things that actually inspired me creating this video is my own struggle with perfectionism quite recently. So I’m busy creating my signature coaching program and I was feeling stuck in terms of exactly what this is going to look like, how I’m going to guide my clients through this journey. So I did some self-coaching around this and what came up for me as I was busy writing and just feeling into what was going on was inside, I had this conviction, this feeling of certainty that before I was able to move on, I had to find the perfect answer. I had to have the perfect journey completely mapped out before I could actually offer this to the world.

And I think that’s what happens to so many of us who are entrepreneurs or who are creatives, is we hold ourselves back from actually offering what we have to the world, from bringing our services to the world because of perfectionism, because we hold out for that inspirational light bulb moment that’s going to give you the perfect answer of what something needs to look like before it can be accepted by the outside world before it is something that can be deemed as worthy. So knowing this intellectually didn’t really help me because I know that I struggle with perfectionism. So what I did is I took this feeling of having to wait for the perfect answer, having to have the perfect answer. I took that to my mat with an embodiment practice, and I was able to move through the stuckness.

So this brings me then to what are some of the things that are creating this perfectionism in us? And I don’t think that there is a clear and definite answer as to what creates perfectionism in some people, because not all of us are perfectionists. But from what I’m seeing, it definitely has something to do with our family system, generational perfectionism that might be coming through the line. That’s certainly the case for me, where generationally, there have been many perfectionists in my family. So it is a learned thing by observing others. But I also believe that we get limiting beliefs and imprints given to us as children, that we need to be behave perfectly, we need to be a good girl, we need to do things in a certain way so that we can be accepted. And for some reason, that conditioning turns into perfectionism for some people.

There are other things that also cause us to become perfectionists and it has to do with our culture, it has to do with the society that we grow up in, and it has to do with the messages that we get. So this perfectionism is then driven by a very strong inner critic. If you are a perfectionist, if you struggle with perfectionist tendencies, guaranteed you’re going to have a very, very strong inner critic, who’s going to continue telling you that you are not good enough, that you need to do better, that you should try harder, that you should be ashamed of yourself for not performing at a certain level. And this is part of what keeps perfectionism stuck is that shame. So with all this shame that is linked to perfectionism in my experience, embodiment is one of the more successful ways to begin to deal with it, to begin to solve it.

When we do embodiment practices, it means that we come from the level of the mind, we come from the level of the thinking and we drop into the level of the body. Through embodiment, we access not only the physical body, but we also access our mental plane, we access our energy plane, we access our emotional plane. All of those things are alive inside the body. Now, shame lives in the body too, as does all of our other emotions, good or bad emotions, it all is alive in the body. And a lot of times, these emotions create frozen tensions. It causes us to continually show up in certain ways and have these patterns and have these limiting beliefs and have these self sabotaging behaviors. And when we can begin to unravel the tension that’s keeping these patterns and these beliefs in place, then it frees up our life force energy. And it allows us to better show up for ourselves in a way that releases the perfectionism.

Every time we choose to work with our feminine energy, what happens is we heal our inner wounded, masculine energy. We heal and dismantle that inner patriarchy and that inner critic, which is the thing that keeps the perfectionism stuck within us. Every time that you commit to being fully self expressed in your feminine power, you loosen the grip that this has on you, and that’s the work that I do with women.

So I really hope that you found something in this video that resonated with you, that gave you a new level of insight or clarity that you needed to be able to move forward. And if you want some additional support, then I invite you to jump onto an exploration call with me. I’m going to leave a link for you in the description below to find out how you can work with me, how you can begin to dismantle the inner patriarchy, get rid of that inner critic and begin to overcome these perfectionism patterns that are alive inside of you through feminine embodiment coaching practices. So if you enjoyed this video, can you please let me know by giving it a thumbs up, and also share with me your thoughts. How did this land for you? Did this resonate with you? Let me know in the comments below. If you are still not a subscriber, then I invite you to get on with it and subscribe. We’d love to have you on board. Thank you so much for watching. I love you, I appreciate you, and I’ll see you in the next one. Bye.

TIME TO FOCUS ON YOURSELF IN 2022

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Overview

Stop connecting your worth to your output! Leave the pressure to perform and be super productive by the door and make the time to focus on yourself this year 🙂 In this hyper-masculine world, it’s easy to think our worth is connected to our output, and that we must compete with each other for love, approval, and even the right to have an opinion.

In this video, I share with you some tips on how you can begin putting yourself first, so that you can have better experiences in all areas of your life.

Prefer to read instead? Here is the transcript.

Hi, ladies. And welcome to my first video for 2022. What I want to do in this video is take you through some of the ways in which I think we can experience more joy and pleasure in the year that’s lying ahead. If we look at the year that we’ve just come from, there has been a lot of external focus on the horrors that happened in the world and all the heartache and trauma and heartbreak that so many of us experienced. So there was a lot of outward focus, and I think it’s really time for us to learn how to bring our focus inwards, to learn how to focus on ourselves. And I’m going to share with you in this video, how to do that. I’m also going to share with you at the end of this video, some of the things that you can expect from my channel and my coaching going forward. If you’re new here, my name is Tertia. And on this channel, I talk about all things self-worth, femininity, feminine embodiment, spirituality, and how you can stand in your power. I’d love for you to join our community if you haven’t yet subscribed. So please do subscribe. Also, hit the like button, because that feeds the algorithm. And then also say hi to us in the comments. Okay. So let’s talk about why it’s important to focus on yourself and why this is a good year to do this. So I said earlier that we’ve just come out of a year where there’s been a lot of external focus and also, we’re running on the tail end of most of us realizing that we’re living in a hyper-masculine world. We’re living in a world where often our self-worth, well, not often, most of the time, most of the time our self-worth is connected to our output. So we have these beliefs that have been cultivated in us as we were growing up and through the exposure of our culture, the society that we grew up in that tells us that who we are is directly connected, or rather what our value is, is directly connected to our output and what we contribute. And when we begin to focus on ourselves, it actually turns that narrative on its head because we need to source our self-worth from inside. And I have three ways that I’m exploring in 2022, that I’m going to be sourcing my self-worth and I’m going to be expanding deeper into this. And that’s what I want to share with you. So the three areas where I think the best opportunity is for us to really begin to embrace ourselves fully and enter into the journey of discovering who we are and then fully loving and accepting all parts of ourselves. The three areas for that is to work and balance our masculine and feminine energies. It is about cultivating our inner wisdom, and it’s about becoming sovereign in our life. So let’s just explore those a little bit. So when we talk about balancing masculine and feminine energies, I think that for me, especially as a highly sensitive woman, I tend to intellectualize things a lot. So what this means practically is I spend a lot of time in my head and not so much time connected into my feelings. So at least that’s the history of my journey, where I would intellectualize things instead of feeling them. And intellectualizing, living in the mind, living only in this one third part of our body or one quarter part of our body, that’s really a masculine energy trait. I said earlier that we’re living in a hyper-masculine world where productivity and results and goals and output and discipline is valued. And while there is definitely so much space for this to be there while we allow for this to be there, we also need space to soften into receiving. We need to create that space to allow for chaos, our emotions, our senses, it’s chaotic. The feminine is about fluctuation and flow and full life expression. And if we are going to live only in this intellectual part of our lives, where we are completely disconnected to the wisdom of our body, can you see how you are only living a quarter of your full possibility? All right. So certainly for me, one of the ways in which you can begin to focus on yourself is by looking into creating balance between the masculine and the feminine aspects within you. And this ties into the second point, which is cultivating wisdom. Our bodies have all the answers, right? And there are really two types of intuition that cultivating the body’s wisdom speaks to. So the first is the intuition, which is a little bit more mystical, where you will get signs of the universe as it were. The intuition that I want to talk about is the body’s wisdom, the body intuition, where your body has all the answers. And the problem that happens is when we are so intellectualized, when you are only living in this part of your experience or everything just happens here in the thinking part of your experience, you really are disconnected to the messages that your body sends to you. Now, our bodies shows us when things feel good and when things don’t feel good. And we can become sensitive to this intuitive wisdom of our bodies, which will allow us then to make better decisions. It will allow us to really step and stand in our power. It allows us to draw strong boundaries and stand up for the things that we believe in, but we can only do that by cultivating a sensitivity to the message of the body. So we need to drop out of the mind and into our body. And this leads then into the third point, which is really about being sovereign. So sovereignty to me means that I recognize that I am the authority in my own life. It means that no one other than me knows what is best for me. One of the ways in which we often give away our power is by believing that other people know better than us. We think that others know what we need. We wait for others to tell us what to do. Sometimes we even wait for others to tell us how to think or whether what we’re thinking is right or wrong. When we start exploring our self-worth and the limiting beliefs that we have around our worthiness and around being good enough and around being lovable, when we examine how our habits of being perfect and doing everything just right is linked to our sense of self-worth and sovereignty, then we can begin to see that when I’m standing sovereign, when I honor myself as my first point of authority, that amplifies my self-worth. It means that I don’t have to connect my worthiness to anyone out there or to any results out there that who I am just as I am is enough. So what I want to do now is just talk to you about the things that you can expect on my channel going forward. So first off, you’ll notice that my videos have a different upload time. So from now on I’m uploading my videos every Friday at 4:00 PM Central European Time. That’s the first thing. The second thing is I’ve spoken to this before in my newsletter and on Instagram, but I just want to speak it again into existence. And that is that I’m currently doing my training as a feminine embodiment coach. Already now, my coaching sessions will use these feminine embodiment principles. So I will use that. I’ll also use EFT tapping where the situation calls for it, but I’m really bringing these embodiment principles into my work because I’ve seen in my own life, what a powerful, powerful modality that is. So on that note, if you are interested in getting one-on-one coaching with me, then you can hop on a free call where we can meet each other, talk about how I work and what you can expect. We’ll also do some deep diving into what it is that you want to create for yourself and how you want that to feel in your body. And there’s a link in the description below where you can just complete the application form and then I’ll get in touch with you. Also, as we’re standing at the doorstep of a brand new year, and we’ve got a whole year of possibility unfolding in front of us, I want to ask you if there’s anything that you would like me to make a video about for you, anything that is going to support you around topics of masculine-feminine energy, femininity, self-worth, self-love, even being a highly sensitive person and navigating your life through that, then please let me know by leaving me a comment in the description below, or you can also get hold of me on Instagram and you can send me a DM there. So this is then the end of my first video for 2022. Thank you very much for watching. Thank you very much for being part of my community and I’ll see you next week. Bye.

WHEN YOU CAN’T STOP PEOPLE PLEASING, HERE’S WHAT TO TRY

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Overview

Are you in the habit of people pleasing? If you put the needs of others above your own, and you feel responsible for the happiness of those around you, you may also struggle to say no.

In this video, I share with you how to stop being a people pleaser, and how you can learn to say no without feeling guilty about it.

Prefer to read instead? Here is the transcript.

In today’s video, I want to talk to you about how to stop being a people pleaser. How do we stop pleasing people and how do we learn to finally say no without feeling guilty? If you are someone who is always the nice guy and you are always helping other people out to the cost of yourself, then you’re going to find today’s video very helpful. My name is Tertia and on this channel, I show you how to use your inner power and the laws of the universe to completely transform your life. My videos are all about feminine wisdom, self love, self worth, self growth, feminine spirituality, and if any of those things resonate with you, if it calls to your soul, then I invite you to subscribe, join our community, and also make sure that you hit the little bell so you can get notified each time that I upload a new video. If you’ve been trying to stop people pleasing or you’ve been trying to behave differently and you’ve noticed that it hasn’t worked, then I think the things that I’m going to be sharing with you will be very helpful to you. The first thing is the awareness. It’s always the awareness and I say this in so many of my videos. You cannot begin to change anything, you cannot begin to transform anything without the awareness thereof. And the awareness specifically is not just the head knowledge of yes, I’m a people pleaser, I can’t say no, people always take advantage of me because I never turn anyone away, that’s head knowledge and head knowledge doesn’t help me at all. The awareness that I’m talking about here specifically is to connect into the body and to notice when your people pleasing mode gets activated. Become curious and pay attention, is this usually around certain type of people, the same person? Is it usually in a certain situation? Is it when you get asked specific things? Is it with all things? So really become curious as to when this program is triggered and they notice what happens in the body when you resist it. What feelings are they? Can you notice any, I want to call it, energetic turmoil? Is there any turning or agitation that happens inside of you when you even think about resisting or saying no? And ask yourself, what is it that I’m afraid of? What is it that I’m afraid of if I don’t please these people, if I don’t give these people what they want? And that’s going to lead you into beginning to explore what is the driver that keeps this habit in place. Even though we all might have experienced the same thing as children, where we were being a peacekeeper or we were working for the approval of our parents, it manifests in different ways for all of us, even though we carry the same wounding when it comes to being a people pleaser. And that’s why it’s important for you to, as part of your self-awareness, begin to notice when does your pattern get activated. And then following it and understanding what happens in my body energetically, how does it feel? What are the emotions and these sensations? What is it that I’m trying to get away from because what you’ll notice is as soon as you give in to the urge to be accommodating or to be helpful, or to put yourself… or to put others, rather, ahead of yourself, there is going to be kind of a transaction that happens inside of you energetically. And if you can find out what this transaction is, it’s going to allow you to begin to change it. Can you see, it’s really moving from just thinking patterns and trying to think yourself out of a behavior to really working on it on a more energetic level. That’s the short-term solution is the awareness. In the moment, as soon as you notice that you become activated to go into people pleasing mode, notice what is going on with me. The second two points that I want to share with you are more long-term solutions. And the first one is to work around your self worth and your self love. The reason why you are people pleasing, if I can simplify it, is because you are looking for validation outside of yourself. You’re looking for others to let you know that you are okay, that you are valued, that you are worth something, that you are good enough. That’s part of that turmoil that you are trying to quiet inside yourself. And if you can begin to source your self worth from inside of you, instead of going to look for it everywhere outside, you won’t need to accommodate people at the cost of yourself in order to start feeling better, because you’ll be able to do that for yourself. The second long-term strategy that’s going to help you to stop people pleasing is to learn how to take back your own sovereignty, learn how to take back your own power. When we people please, because we are looking for that validation outside of us, because we are looking for the approval of other people, you will also find that there are so many things that you just go along and you don’t even know how you feel about that personally, because you’re always just the easy one, you’re always just going with the flow, you’re always following the crowd, not to rock the boat and to keep everyone happy. One of the things that you can do to begin to stand in your own sovereignty is to identify what are the things that I like? What are my goals? What is it that I long for and that I yearn for? In this process of getting to know yourself better, you can understand what are the things that drive you, what are your values. Part of what happens when we people please is not only are we unable to say no, but we also compromise our own values. And a lot of time, we don’t even know what these values are even though they are operating in the background on an unconscious level. By you learning what your values are, understanding what are those core things that you value most above everything in the world, you can begin to align yourself with that value. And by the act of aligning yourself with these values, by the act of you knowing this is what is important to me, and so I will choose actions and responses and behaviors that honor this which is important to me, that is going to create within you the ability to draw boundaries. If you don’t do that, you will notice that you become resentful. You’ll feel that people take advantage of you, but you don’t have to subject yourself to that. And by honoring your values, by knowing what your goals are, what are those things that are important to you, it’s going to help you stand in your own power. Another part of standing in your own power is learning the ability to hold self compassion and to be able to soothe yourself, to be able to soothe your inner child. So many times, the inner child is the one that pleases. The inner child is the one that is looking for that affection and approval and validation from outside. By learning self-compassion and self soothing techniques, you’ll be able to work with your inner child. And then another point that I can add here is, and this is especially for sensitive people or for empaths is as part of being sovereign is to learn how to separate what you feel from what others feel. A lot of times as empaths, we assume that the feelings of other people are our own and we take responsibility for making people feel better. And that’s also unfair because you’re taking away the opportunity of those people to have their own life experience. I’d like to hear from you now, so let me know in the comments below if you are a people pleaser. I’m assuming you are if you watch this video and perhaps more importantly, which of these strategies that I shared with you resonated the most. The answer to stop being a people pleaser and having the ability to say no without feeling guilty, it isn’t an overnight thing. You can’t just think yourself out of it, but there are definitely some practices that you can do where you take this habit from being just an automatic program that runs in the back of your mind and you bring it into your awareness, and from this point, you can start to change it. I hope that you found this video helpful. And if you did, please let me know in the comments. Also, let me know any other videos that you would like me to make for you around the subject of feminine wisdom or self worth or self love. Also, share this video with anyone who you think might find it helpful. As always, thank you very much for watching and I will see you in the next one.

HOW TO ACTIVATE YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY TO GET THINGS DONE

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Overview

Get yourself into action to get things done by using your masculine energy. Our feminine energy is one of flow and letting go, while the masculine is all about discipline and structure.

In this video, we look at activating your masculine energy. Balancing our divine masculine and feminine energies are necessary to be able to creatively take action. Activating your masculine energy is what you need to do when you feel that you talk a lot about what you want to do, but you just never seem to get there!

HACKING YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND (LIFE CHANGING PRACTICE)

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Overview

Discover how the subconscious mind determines your experiences and what you can do to shift your paradigm, when you want to change any stuck pattern.

In this video, you will learn a 3-step process to hack your subconscious mind. These are the exact steps that I use when I want to reprogram my subconscious and rewire my brain.

Prefer to read instead? Here is the transcript.

We have an incredibly powerful built-in tool that we can use to shape our lives in any way, that we want this tool is the subconscious mind and in this video, I am going to show you how to use its full power to your advantage. By the end of this video, you’ll have a clear understanding of how the subconscious mind determines your experiences and I’m also going to share with you my three-step process that I use myself to shape my life in the way that I want. My name is Tertia and I show you how to use your inner power and the laws of the universe to transform your life. If you’re new here, then subscribe, join our community and say hi to us in the comments below and if you are ready to learn about how you can hack your subconscious mind, then hit the like button and we’ll get started now. In the first part of this video, I want to define the subconscious mind so that we’re on the same page. I’ve divided the video into three parts. So, in part one, we’ll define the subconscious mind. In part two, I’m going to take you through the process of how our subconscious mind determines our experiences and then in part three is where I will share my three-step process to use the power of the subconscious mind to your advantage.  So, let’s look at defining the subconscious mind. There is an iceberg analogy that has been around forever and I really like to use that analogy because to me, it really explains the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious mind. So, it goes like this. Imagine that your mind is an iceberg. Now, we all know what an iceberg looks like? You have a small piece out top and then you have a very big piece hidden underneath the water and the mind looks like that. So our conscious mind makes up the five percent. The tip of the iceberg and underneath the water level we have 95 percent of sub-consciousness. Now, in this part underneath the surface of the water, this part that is underneath our awareness, it’s made up of the subconscious mind, the unconscious and the collective unconscious. Now, exactly what percentage goes where I can’t tell you that we, nobody is sure about exactly how this is divided in and it’s not really important for the purposes of this video. What is important for you to understand is that your conscious awareness only is five percent of your total experience. So, 95 of your experience and your processes happens underneath the surface of the water.  So, it’s below your awareness. Now, obviously the things that are driving this awareness is what determines how you experience your world and if you can find a way to calibrate and condition and change what is underneath the surface, underneath the awareness on your terms. If you can find a way to do it on purpose, you will find that whatever happens in your conscious awareness in this five percent will change as a result and really these deeper layers of the mind is what affects everything in our experience. I’m going to link a video for you down in the description below. This is a video that I made about how we can’t always believe our thoughts and after you’ve watched this video, go and take a look at that video because it’s a nice compliment to what I’ll be talking about in this video. So, my definition that I like to use for the subconscious mind is that it is that part of us that is underneath or below our awareness which influences us and provides suggestions which determines our experiences, right. So, it’s that part that is below our awareness. That provides us with suggestions and that determines our experiences. So, now in part two, I’m going to take you through a diagram that I’ve created. That is really going to show you how this then works in reality? How it works practically? Everything that we experience in our life, gets filtered through a story that we tell ourselves. So, we tell ourselves stories about everything and those stories can also be called perception. We have a perception about certain cultural things. We have a perception about money. We have a perception about other people. We have a perception about how we are being treated. We have a perception about how other people treat other people. So, really this story that we tell ourselves about things and experiences is going to determine how we experience that experience or event, all right. Now, where do these stories come from and this is the interesting thing. These stories come from our thoughts. So, they come from what we think when we have a dominant thought that turns into a story and it comes from our feelings. Now, your feelings is often as a result of your thoughts. If you think something enough, you can start feeling whatever emotion that thought is driving but the feeling also has a feedback loop. So, when you feel something enough, then you start thinking that this is the true feeling. So, these two are always in relation to each other. Your thoughts and your feelings and these thoughts and feelings are what feeds the stories, they start building neural pathways in your brain, the filter through which you observe the world. Now, what happens with these stories is we believe them to be true. So, we engage with them. Engage! We, engage with them. And we never ever or rather we hardly ever question them. So, we believe them to be true and it’s going to be very difficult for anybody to change your story, right. It has to be an internal thing. We can only change our stories ourselves. It doesn’t matter how much somebody tells you something, if you at your core believe that it’s true through these neural pathways that you have created, then no one is going to change that for you but these stories that we tell ourselves that we engage with and that become our belief systems. They always have a consequence, all right.  So, it leads into a consequence and the consequence is always going to lead to action or inaction, all right. You are always making choices either consciously or unconsciously and taking action or not taking action based on the level of engagement and the level of belief. So, the consequence can show up where you are. For example, someone who sees a lot of injustice, you are someone who blames others for your condition or situation. It can be the consequence, can be you or someone who sees opportunity and everything and no matter what happens, you always land on your feet and you always find a way out and you always find a way to get up top. So, the consequence typically is that we have these patterns that continue to show up in our life. We have these patterns that we always fall into, all right. And this is specifically if these are patterns that are not supporting you in your growth and patterns that aren’t, um, helping you transform or up leveling your life, right. Those are the patterns that I’m talking about, that we want to change, okay! Part of why this works is because we have something called the reticular activating system which I’ve spoken about in the video, which I’ll link below and your reticular activating system is always going to show you the data that supports what you are thinking because it’s programmed to do that and this reinforces your thoughts and feelings and what it also does is it reinforces the stories that you tell yourself. So, if we want to reprogram the subconscious mind, if we want to hack our brain, it’s something that we can do because of this functionality, because we have a reticular activating system, because the stories that we tell ourselves through our thoughts and our feelings can become stories that we want to create consciously. We can change the things that we believe, we can change our belief systems by changing the thoughts and changing the feelings and that’s a conscious act this we do that with a five percent that is above our awareness, we do this intentionally and then it becomes subconscious. We become competent in this new habit of thinking or feeling a certain way and I want to share with you now, my three-step process that I use myself to change and shift anything in my life. When I notice that there’s something that I want to change and I want to transform it. Now, it’s important that you follow these three steps in order, all right. You have to do one after the other because that is how it works and they build on each other. You can’t do the second one without having the first one in place.  So, let me take you through the steps. Step number one is awareness. You have to have awareness and it sounds quite obvious when I say it like that but we need to have the awareness to notice what it is that we want to change? This is what it means to wake up, this is what it means to start living with intention and living on purpose is you have the awareness of any patterns that you want to change, any behaviors that you want to change or any perceptions that you know are limiting you. So, when you have this awareness, you can now begin to change it but there’s a second step before the change happens. Step number two and that is to commit commitment is step number two. Commitment means that you are committing to taking responsibility for your thoughts and your feelings from now on and now step number three is where you take action, all right. You cannot change anything in your life. You cannot change anything in your experience simply by being wistfully thinking about it or for wanting it to happen, all right. Wanting something and desiring something is not enough to actually change it. You need to take action, all right. That’s key. So, step number three is we take action and you take action in the following way. The first thing that you take action on is you take action on your thoughts and basically how it works is you start to think as the person who you want to be.  So, if you’ve identified in step one and this is why it’s so important to put these in order or do these in order. When you’ve identified in step one, you’ve created the awareness about what story it is that you want to change and you are ready to commit to becoming a different story. Now, in step three you taking action by thinking the same thoughts that someone who is already, who you want to be would think like. So, for example, if there is something at work that you want to do and you want to maybe speak up more instead of having the argument with yourself or procrastinating or holding back when you’re sitting in a meeting and worrying about what other people will think and what other people will say and how and that they maybe won’t listen to you now. When you are in that meeting as soon as you realize that you are having this inner conflict again, you create a new thought saying I am someone who speaks up.  I speak up with confidence and then you behave like that person who you want to be and you can literally do this with every thought in your life. So, anything that you want to change, you monitor your thoughts, you monitor your thinking. The moment that you realize that you are thinking a thought which is reinforcing the old story that you have, you start thinking a new thought in its place. The second part to taking action is by changing the movies that you play in your mind. Now, we are constantly thinking about different scenarios and we are constantly projecting or fantasizing how things might turn out that leads us to being worried, that can also lead us to being confident depending on what the image is, that you are feeding yourself think about it where in your life do. You have some patterns that you are stuck in or some situations that don’t work for you and you are making these movies in your mind where you playing out the scenario and you imagining what will happen then and what this one will say and when that, with that one will say and what you’re going to do and you imagine how you’re going to feel and you’re building this soap opera in your mind which is only serving to keeping you stuck in the situation that you’re in. So, part of how we reprogram our subconscious minds is by recognizing as soon as you see that movie is playing, you stop it and you rewrite the script. You literally change the way that it plays out or you decide to just switch it off. You replace it with something else but you take conscious control of your brain. That’s busy running away with you of your mind. That’s busy running away with some scenario and then the third thing that you can do, that’s going to help you reprogram your subconscious mind is eft tapping. Now, I’ve made many videos about eft tapping you know. If you follow me that I’m a big believer in the power of eft to help you shift your experiences and shift your vibration, shift everything about your life that no longer serves you. I’m also going to put some videos for you down in the description so you can take a look at those and that will also support you to really complete what I’m teaching in this video, alright. So, just to recap our conscious awareness is only about five percent. So, only five percent of what we experience is in our conscious awareness. So, many other things, our perception, the suggestions that we get the way, that we relate to the world is an unconscious act. It falls below our awareness and our thoughts and our feelings create the stories that we tell to ourselves and the level at which we engage and believe in these determines how we show up in the world that determines the things that happen to us. It determines the opportunities that show up in our lives and if opportunities are there, it determines whether we take these opportunities or not and when we then decide to take conscious control of this, this is how we begin to hack our subconscious mind, this is how we take ownership of our lives and we really determine how we want to live and who we want to be in that life. Now, I’d love to hear from you. So, let me know in the comments below if you found this video helpful. Let me know any patterns that you’ve identified or that you know about. Now, that you are committing to change using the formula and the three-step process that I’ve shared with you and if you enjoyed this video about hacking your subconscious mind, also let me know by giving it a thumbs up. Remember to subscribe if you haven’t done. So, yet share this video with someone who will find it helpful and then thanks for watching. I’ll see you in the next one, bye!

SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES AS A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON

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Setting personal boundaries as a highly sensitive person is probably one of the more difficult things that we experience.

I believe it is partly because we are so aware of the emotions we invoke in other people and how we make them feel.  That may make it hard for us to say no and not be accommodating.

If we don’t have personal boundaries,  that can really drain us, and make us feel overwhelmed and overstimulated.  Ultimately,  it can make us feel resentful and we can walk around with a lot of suppressed anger.

In this post, I want to share with you 3 easy and practical things that you can start doing right now to help you set personal boundaries as a highly sensitive person.

Why are setting boundaries difficult for HSPs?

We teach people how to treat us and the way that you view yourself energetically, tells other people how they can treat you.

If you have a limited self-view, You’re not very self-aware in terms of your own needs and wants it becomes very difficult for you to uphold any kind of boundary.

Maybe you never learnt how to set boundaries. Growing up, having boundaries was not something that was featured in our house.  

Watch Tips for setting personal boundaries as a highly sensitive person on my Youtube channel.

So, as an adult, you have to take responsibility for your own well-being and teach yourself how to begin to set boundaries because it is a skill.

Because HSPs usually try and avoid conflict and confrontations we are hesitant to say no, to put our foot down, or to not do what people want even if it doesn’t suit us.

Other times, you might feel guilty if you uphold your boundaries.  You may think that you are making life difficult for the other person or that you should actually help out because there’s no reason why you can’t.

It’s necessary for us to reframe the way we see how responsible we are for other people. 

You are not responsible for someone else’s well-being, the only thing that you are responsible for is how you are going to show up in the world.

What happens when you don’t uphold your personal boundaries?

When our boundaries are violated we end up feeling like we don’t have any control in our lives.

We feel as if we are just subjected to everything that is happening around us and that we have no say in what is happening.

Setting personal boundaries as an HSP is something that you continuously work on.  

You get in touch with your own needs, you get in touch with the things that are important to you, and from that space you are able to adjust your boundaries.

It follows then that beginning to work with setting and upholding your personal boundaries, has to start with self-awareness. You need to know who you are and what you need..

Starting to create personal boundaries as a highly sensitive person

Here are three practical tips that I want to share with you, that  you can use right now.

They are built around the phases of self-awareness because in order to have boundaries you need to know what works for you and what doesn’t work for you.   We really need that self-awareness to allow us to show up in the way that we want to.

Tip 1: Explore what you want

Make a list of all the things you want in your life when it comes to your boundaries.  The things that you’ll accept, the way you want people to treat you, and the things you are prepared to do. 

Take a couple of days on creating this list and don’t limit yourself with the wants and needs to put on the list.

So often as highly sensitive people, our attention is focused on the needs of the people in our lives and in the process we don’t always pay attention to what is important for us.

The problem with doing that, is you start to feel resentful because subconsciously you feel as if you don’t have a say in your own life.

That’s why it’s helpful to identify what you want and what you will accept from others.

Explore what your values are and what is important for you, and then find ways in which you can begin to honor your values.

At the end of the week, take your list and reflect back over the week and about the times where your boundaries were set but you didn’t uphold them.  In this way you begin to slowly train yourself to not only have personal boundaries but keep them!

Tip2: Tune into your body

I believe that our bodies knows before our brains do.

Your body might respond in alarm, or go into fight or flight mode when the amygdala gets activated before you even realize something is happening.  As HSP’s our amygdala gets activated excessively because of the nature of our nervous system.

You might find your heart beating faster, you could experience a sinking feeling or a feeling of heaviness.  

Every person has their own signals, and so it will serve you to begin to pay attention to what responses, feelings, and emotions you have in the body.

Watch out though that you don’t get sucked into the feelings, as that is not very helpful.  What you want to do instead, is to pay attention to the messages your feelings are sending you so that you can then act on them instead of being reactive.

Tip 3: Use you voice

Using your voice and speaking up for yourself is foundational to having personal boundaries as a highly sensitive person. 

Expressing yourself when you agree with something may feel scary, especially when you usually avoid confrontation, so take baby steps.

If, during a conversation with your partner, something that they say makes you feel dismissed then tell them that.

Don’t be quiet and invalidate your own feelings.

Rather open the conversation and come from a place of being open and honest. 

Express what your feelings are about being dismissed or not listened to in the way that you really would appreciate.

Tell others if you are feeling overstimulated and there is something that they can do to help you.  If the television is too loud in the room next door, or your colleague is very loud on the phone next to you, speak up!

Know your self-worth

Setting personal boundaries and upholding them becomes easy when you honor your self-worth and understand your needs and your wants.Â